Tuesday, April 5, 2011

365 Days

Living in this world is like living in a stagnant pond full of lukewarm conformers. All anyone does anymore revolves around drinking and "fun". I hate the word fun. That word is beyond overused and could now mean almost anything ....not to mention be used as the excuse we told ourselves the morning after a night filled with bad decisions. There is a time and a place for drinking but it seems like that's ALL anyone does...they rely on it to form opinions, relationships and even personality. Nothing is considered wrong anymore and everything is accepted under the false, misconstrued concept of "fun". I missed the days when having fun didn't involve intoxication and bars. I missed the days when fun was not about what you were doing but who you were with.
In a world where everything is accepted.... what was there left to stand for? What was there left with meaning? How can you cross a line that had never been drawn? People do as they please with no concept of morals or even standards anymore, no one understood consequences and no one understood right from wrong.....the "anything goes" mentality made me physically ill. Everything was so....replaceable...interchangeable.
Sometimes I wished I could walk around wearing a mask. I wanted people to see me for who I really was rather than just some "pretty face with a nice ass". I hated walking around and all people seemed to notice was my physical appearance. All they saw was some piece of meat, just another girl to approach .... but then again there were always others. Who I am is so much more valuable than the color of my hair or how my ass looks in jeans. I am not replaceable!! I refuse to accept the world I live in and become another washed up slut downtown every weekend with my tits hanging out, draped over another nameless guy in every picture. There is SO much more to life. I don't live to please. I don't live to please MEN. I don't live to please ANYONE. I will NEVER change who I am to become someone else's idea of perfect. I AM ME. I'd rather sit at home and stare at a wall than talk to someone with an IQ lower than my age. Everyone judges me by my appearance and takes me to be just another beautiful face amongst many...just a smile, a laugh, another shallow, pitiful, excuse for a woman. Just like the rest. I'm not scared of offending people and I will never change that. I am who I am. I will NEVER date someone just because I am scared of being alone like every other girl I know... accepting whatever comes there way.. dating for money or for anything other than love is like living a lie. I hate liars. Until someone takes the time to see me for who I am and sees past my outer appearance and loves me for WHO I AM rather than what I look like !! ...Then alone is what I'll be. I won't ever settle. People think I'm crazy, different or just weird..they tell me to date around, ...go have "FUN".... No no no no no NO. Not for me. I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than waste myself like that. All or nothing. No one gets that.
There was so much more to me than my face, hair, smile...so much more than a pretty face... but no one ever takes the time to see it or even attempt to hold a conversation that does not involve workout routines or some reality show where sleeping around with a million people was as normal as washing the dishes.
Girls were talked about like breaking news....but disappeared and were forgotten just as quickly. All men cared about anymore was how many girls they could sleep with and how hot they supposedly were.... picking up girls was pretty much as easy and effortless as stopping at Taco Bell... just stop by a bar and pick one up to go...could get one probably a mile up the road or back, didn't matter because it was all the same thing. The girls are all just as bad, they are in that position and accept it either because they are too stupid, or ignorant to know better...or they simply wanted the same things. It's sad that morals have gotten this low. I honestly think they don't exist anymore. No one cares and "everybody does it" so why would it matter. I'm sick of it. I'd rather stand alone forever than compromise who I am to conform to today's low, disgusting, repulsive way of life.